Where is Your Focus ? Destination or Direction ? (Living Vision)

(part of the #MasteringMyself series, #livingVision)
Do you focus on heading toward a specific destination or do you use your goal as a direction, ? The difference is profound. Defining your ‘there’ a specific destination or a as a focused direction affects how you get there and I suspect, the speed, quality of experience and chance of success. What are the differences ?

When your ‘there’ is a specific outcome your focus is on one thing and one thing only - there - to the exclusion of anything else. You are invested in this specific outcome and are not willing to change it or evolve it. This investment creates the need to defend your position and why it is right from all challenges and inevitable requires a high level of control so that you can keep things on track. If you need a team to get your there (and you always do), then you are in for a rough ride because most teams like to be a constructive part of the journey - rather than pure, thoughtless minions. Will you get there ? Maybe. It is after all not an uncommon way of managing, but it is not guaranteed and it always comes at a huge price. And if you do get there, you may end up with egg on your face as your specific destination may no longer be so right after all.

When your ‘there’ is a direction your focus is on ‘always making choices and decisions that take you towards’ there. This inherently means that you are focusing on the present, using what you have and where you are and so optimizing every opportunity (if not creating them). It allows you to be open to new ideas and as importantly, new ways of getting there. When you are focused on a direction you do not waste time investing in a specific place or specific way of doing things or even (and this is the important one for me), in any one way of being, all of which means that you are able to let go of limiting thoughts, ideas and activities. When your destination is a direction you allow others to contribute which creates that all elusive buy in and we all know that groups of passionate people achieve success with less energy, more often. The best part of choosing a direction not a destination ? When you do get ‘there’ you often find it is way more awesome than your original concept.

It sounds counter intuitive to focus on a direction not a destination, after all, everyone always tells you that you have to be very, very clear on what you want and where you want to be if you want to create something. But part of the creation journey is learning and part of that learning is increasing clarity of what you want. It evolves as you move forward.

Focusing on a direction is not about losing that destination, after all where you want to be creates your direction. The difference is subtle :

- It is about letting go of ‘there’ but still holding on to ‘there’ as an anchor.

- It is about being present and making where you are now as important as where you want to be

- It is about allowing other people to be a part of the creative process which allows your dream to get bigger and better

- It is about having clarity but keeping flexibility

When I look around me at the people that build the teams I like to work in, they all use their vision as a direction which allows me to be a constructive part of that vision. Teams like that bring out the best in me. I love seeing how to improve a vision, making it even better. There is power to focused direction, so why not let go of control and allow the rest of the universe in ? Why not make a change from destination to focused direction ?

Making it Hapen - An alternative take on an old recipe for Dream Making

How do you fundamentally change your life ? How do you find a new job or even a new relationship ? What is it you should be doing ? What is it you should not ? If anything is the Holy Grail in life it would be the ability to manifest what you want. Avid readers will have their well thumbed copy of “The Secret” and know all about using vision to create the future, the problem comes in the practice. Somehow, our interpretation and who we are gets in the way and instead of creating something new and exciting what we create is an obsession revolving around the absence of our hearts desire. We have not learnt to let go and let God. We have not learnt to step through our fear, into our souls and so into limitless being. I managed it once, in diving and have been chasing it ever since. Here are some things I have learnt along the way.

It is an uncomfortable feeling to let go and let God. It is even more uncomfortable if you don’t have a relationship with God and can not even acknowledge that word (been there, done that). But whether you call that ultimate force God or the divine or the universe, the ability to let go and trust in something that is outside of yourself is, whether you like it or not, part of the process. We have been taught to put our destiny in our own hands and we have been taught that to do that we need to be doing to be always doing and moving and controlling. Trusting that the universe will present opportunities is not something we have learnt, besides, God helps those who help themselves, which is something the sceptics will be quick to point out.

So what do you do when you have a clear vision of what you want, but it does not seem to be getting closer ? The first thing is challenge that vision.

1) How open is your vision ? If you are looking for a new job, have you decided that the only success scenario is this specific job in this specific company ?

2) What are you focusing on now ? Are you obsessing about doing ? Are you worried about what will happen if things don’t go according to your exact plan ?

Most of us create tightly focused visions with one and only one success scenario and most of us stress ourselves stukkend (for non- South African readers, stress ourselves silly) by focusing on the complete absence of our goal while throwing ourselves into a frenzy of activity. In my experience this predisposes you to failure not to mention the fact that other opportunities float straight by as you single mindedly pursue the one and only one answer.

The trick is in changing the recipe, without changing a thing!

Step 1 : Create a vision, but instead of focusing on exactly what you physical want (this job, in this company, a man who looks like this and works here and drives that), focus on how your new job (or relationship) will make you feel. This allows the universe to present you with things you have not even thought and that are often not even close to what you would have chased.

Step 2 : Bring the Future into the Present. This is probably the hardest part, allowing the universe to create your vision by refusing to focus on the absence of your hearts desire! Simply stop stressing about it! Simpler to say than do, but also a strong choice you need to make for a number of practically reasons outside of manifestation. If you are obsessed about the outcome and desperate then the chances are the way you are engaging with people is not going to be conducive to a successful outcome. Most of us have been in the situation where, when we are looking for a job we just can’t find one and then when we have one, we ace the interviews and get job offers we don’t need (or finally get into a good relationship and find ourselves surrounded by nice, available, interested men when a few weeks back you could not even find one). Consciously spend time just imagining how you will feel when your dream comes true and carry those feelings through into your day, actively and consciously replacing all thoughts that revolve around “what if it all does not pan out”. So what if it doesn’t ! By just doing this one step you will have had fun trying and probably found out a whole lot more about what it is you really want.

Step 3 : When you have done everything, do the one thing you have been avoiding. Yes, you did not want to hear it but you are going to have to actively step out of your comfort zone. When I look back on how I managed to get an impossible world record this is the step that always jumps out for me. I never knew about either of the previous steps, so did it the hard way and trust me when I tell you, it was the hard way. When we are trying to create impossible dreams we tend to do so without wanting it to be hard or uncomfortable - which means what we do is normally within our confident zone. And that is the problem.

Who you are and what is comfortable for you created where you are now. If you want to create a new experience with new possibilities you are going to need new behaviour and that is not going to be comfortable. You are going to need new behaviour, behaviour that is natural your dream. Think about it, if I were born a natural world record holder I would not have ended up stuck for almost 5 years trying to get there. I would have had a more Nuno Gomes experience (the world’s deepest man and scuba diving colleague) just got on with it. Instead, I got very, very stuck trying to hold onto me (think victim, insecure, afraid) but at the same time doing something that naturally required me to be brave, self confident and thick skinned.

You have to do the things that feel awkward, the things that are ‘not you’!! Yes, I use the words ‘have to’ with intent, because of all the steps, the ability to act outside of your comfort zone and do the one thing you are hoping NOT to have to do, is probably going to be the only thing that gets you toward your goal. Mine was letting go of waiting for Nuno to give me the answers and help me get my world record and instead stand alone, all self conscious and do it myself, without proof or permission. I spent two years avoiding that, hoping, no wishing that something would happen and my path to my dream would not be so hard. Guess what, the path to your dream sometimes is hard! And the way I did it was born out of sheer desperation, I discovered Step 1, I started to behave as a world record holder would even though I did not have a record yet.
If you think that you have done everything ask youreself this, If I stop now, will I regret not trying harder ? If the answer is a niggling yes, then there is something you are avoiding and you will avoid it until you no longer have any other option but give up or step through your fear. (by the way, that is the hard way)
Step 4 : Practice relaxing! We are borne to micro manage, thinking somehow that if we stop stressing and obsessing, our dream will never arrive. Which means we try and force it, making it fit it into our schedules and time lines. Well, how is that working for you ? What about practicing relaxing, letting go and letting God. No, that does not mean wishing and not doing. You can’t sit on your couch and expect the universe to dump your dream into your lap. You have to keep doing and trying new options, but in doing so, let go of the outcome, relax. Remember step 2 and practice bringing the future into the present. You can’t make people support you ….all you can do is give as many people as possible the opportunity to do so and keep doing that until you arrive where you want to be. Don’t get stuck trying to convince people - move on! Keep searching for people who want to make your dream happen. They are there, waiting to be found all you have to do is stop trying to drag those who don’t want it along with you.

No-one said being a dream maker would be easy, but the moment you let go of the fact that who you are is set in stone and instead accept that you have a choice and that you can change how you behave and align that to what you really want, is the moment you start to live limitless being.

It is a process, a journey of discovery, so DON’T THROW IN THE TOWEL TOO EARLY!!! Get creative when the easy options fail, experiment with new ways of getting there and being outside of your comfort zone, practice until you get it right and above all, be kind to yourself! No-one every gets ‘there’ without some detours and mishaps – they are all part of the process.