Who Are You ?

I was reading an advert for a conference promoting woman as leaders. Other than being expensive and filled with woman at the top of their game (OK, woman with impressive titles which may mean the same thing), I could not find a single topic that caught my attention. There was nothing personal about any of the topics. Instead of finding out more about the woman and their path to success I was seeing superficial stuff - stuff I could read from pretty much any book. This was supposed to inspire me ? As I read it struck me that this conference was highlighting what society reflects - that who you are is not important but rather where you are! I went from frustrated to depressed.

Surely enabling and empowering woman is not only about transferring skills ? Surely it is about allowing woman to really see who they are and connect with their power to achieve and do (so that become that), rather than titles and corporate ladder and promotion and all that normal so-called good stuff ? Because when you live and breathe your own uniqueness and power you get all the nice stuff and at the same time you love who you are and your life…which translates to happiness and joy (whether or not you make CEO).

Do you know who you are ? Not what, but who ?

Can you list all the things that define you and make you unique ? What are you good at ? What are you not so good at ? And as I type I realise I am asking the wrong questions because all those relate to the past. What is really more important is knowing who you want to be - because that creates action and movement, growth and transformation.

Do you know who you want to become ?
Do you have a vision of that person, how she talks, how she thinks, what she does every day ? Because if you know that you can choose to add a part of that to your day. You can start to practice who you want to be and before you know it you will be that person without thought. The old you will have transformed - be a distant memory.

As a coach, I don’t want to be showing people only how to become a CEO. Yes, realizing your goals and being successful is part of it, but there is something more. Something more substantial and important and valuable. I want to be showing people how to ‘be’ and how to really choose who they want to be!

Can you see the difference ?

Imagine what the world would be like if we were focusing on being the best person we could be ? Imagine what your life would be like if you were focusing on ‘being’ love and kindness, power and strength ?

Practical Coaching - Choosing Your Day

The joy about being a coach (and limitless being in training) is that I have access to the same tools that my clients have.

One of the most mind blowing of these is the concept that we get to choose the context of anything we do. The basis of this is the simple fact that whilst we may have no control over our thoughts and feelings (or even the world per se), we can control our words and when we choose our words we can choose the definition (or context) of anything - from our relationships to our day to the way we are going to experience a meeting or even a person. Key to this concept is the thought that if we do not choose, the universe just serves up our default experiences – so more of the same. By choosing we can override our unconscious experience and create something new.
Sceptical ? Well so was I until I actually tried it. There is something powerful and present in consciously stating that today I am going to have a successful, joyful, abundant day. Today I am going to be love. Today I am going to define my relationship with a difficult colleague in a way where I am patient and listen and nothing is wrong. These definitions sit in your conscious and subconscious mind and when the day starts to fall over they come back, nagging, creating a new awareness which gives you the chance to choose not to succumb to yet another cruddy day…and instead to choose and live your context.

So why not try it for a day (or two or even three)?

Just wake up and choose how you want your day to go, how you want to feel, who you want to be. If you like, give it a percentage (if it feels too intimidating), something that is do’able and streteches you no more than 20%...and then tomorrow practice again… one day you will wake up and that is now your default experience..how awesome would that be ?

Why I Can Not Survive Without My Coach

I was chatting about coaching and the benefits there-of and casually mentioned that I get coached, which came as a surprise to the people I was talking to. Perhaps it is because I already have achieved something grand and audacious (my world record) so there is a perception that I already know how to ‘do’. Perhaps not. Why do I need a coach ?

Reason 1 – Accelerated Transformation.

In the year that I have been coaching and coached I have grown/ moved/ changed substantially. The way consciousness coaching works makes it impossible to hide if you really want to create change in your life. You create goals and stands for who you are as well as what you want to achieve and so face your demons, fall down, talk about it next coaching session and re-strategise. It is intense and rewarding and a journey that would have taken years if I had done it on my own.

Reason 2 – Clarity.

Often I have the concept of what it is I want to achieve, but defining it and getting it clear takes ages and many conversations over wine and sushi. With my coach I can really get to what it is I want and really become aware of what is in my way when it comes to thoughts and feelings. After which creating a strategy and set of stands to deal with who it is I want to be and what it is I want to create is much, much simpler.

Reason 3 – Results.

Yes, I do make commitments and they tend to fall by the way side as the world drags me off course with its usual thousand little insignificant but urgent problems. When I am in a coaching cycle I have to report back to my coach on how well I have stuck to my word. She is not judgmental, it is what it is…. But just knowing that someone is listening and watching creates the impulse to complete and get things done.

I know coaching works because I work coaching. Whether it is a goal you want to achieve (better golf game, better sales, that promotion) or whether your goal is more spiritual and personal (better relationship, less fear, better able to deal with conflict) or whether you do not know what it is you need to change, just that you need to change who you are so that you can change what you experience – no matter what it is, coaching can create a tremendous, life shifting change. Limits after all are just choices and I really enjoy shifting mine. So thanks to my coach…who is patient, compassionate and stands for my greatness no matter what!

The Power of Completion

One of the basic principles in coaching is to finish what you start. Not finishing is a symptom of our modern day lives. We start projects, ideas, books and get distracted, de-motivated and just move onto the next thing.
The problem is that these incompletions live on in our subconscious minds. They hold space, until there is no more space for new, more productive activities.
My week has been dedicated to completing projects I have started. It is (as most things are) a work in progress, but I have made some headway....and the feeling is grand.

What could you finish right now, today ? What is has been on your list to do for so long it is embarassing ?

Deserving Abundance - Expecting It! Receiving It, Coaching for It!

All the coaching in the world is not going to get you your dreams if you fundamentally disbelieve that you are worthy. This believe that we are not special enough to deserve abundance is ingrained in our lives, so subconscious we barely see it even if we do experience its effects on a daily basis. What do I mean ? Well, have you ever had a goal, find yourself almost there and then is spectacularly explodes on you ? Otherwise known as self sabotage, this is one of the hardest limits of all to overcome.

I am currently sitting with my lotto ticket in hand which is an example to prove the point. Why am I special enough to win millions ? There are so many other people out there who are in way more desperate straights than I. Which is not to say I have not gotten debt that I would like to be rid of, the point is I am surviving, semi comfortably. I have a house, a car, enough food, so when I buy my lotto ticket each week I am not really expecting to win because I am not really deserving. And the universal energy feels my doubt….hence not lottery win. Ok, so maybe it is not quite that simple, at least with the lotto.

To quote my favourite author Wayne Dyer, ‘You can’t discover light by analysing darkness’ (get the book, Being in Balance). The first paragraph of that chapter on abundance goes as follows:
“If you had to search for light, the one thing you’d obviously shun would be the darkness. You’d know for certain that spending your time analysing in the dark wouldn’t be the way to experience the light. Now exchange the words light and dark for abundance and scarcity” In his words, you become what you think all day long and most of us are not even aware of the thoughts we think and so the destiny we create for ourselves.

Being creative, we have a list of solid, logical reasons for this scarcity, starting with ‘Its God’s will’ and passing through “There’s a limited supply”, “I don’t deserve it”, “I have limited abilities” and of course “It has always been this way”
But what if abundance was ordinary ? What if it was part of your divine birth right and not something you had to struggle for ?

What if we took away the labels we attach to abundance ? I

What if abundance was not a reward for the deserving who are in someway special or better ? What if abundance were the norm and this world of scarcity the extraordinary ?

So I shout to the world that I am claiming my birth right, my abundance not because I am special but because I exist and as the words escape something inside me shifts, grows, becomes lighter.

Abundance is my birth right! It does not make me different or special, just normal, ordinary…like you! Isn’t it time you claimed your right to abundance ? Isn’t it time we spiritually shifted the balance from one or two individuals to all ?

And yes, coaching is one powerful way of integrating this acceptance into every day!

Being.....Limitless...step by step

The question as to whether or not we are limitless is one that has fascinated me for a while. I have a world record but does that mean I was borne different, special ? Or did I just find a way to make something extraordinary happen for me ? If the latter, then it could happen for you. So how do you become a limitless being ? For that matter, how do I make being limitless a way of life rather than a once of event ?

Perhaps it all starts with a question, can you see the box in which you live ? Most of us can not. Indeed, the limits we take as permanent are practically invisible. They hide in phrases like "I could never do that, i am .... " and the list of reasons is as varied as the people who apply them. I am too old, I am too young. I have a family to support, I do not have enough experience or the right qualification. If there is one thing us human beings are good at, finding logical and reasonable reasons for staying exactly where we are is one of them. But what if none of those reasons were true ? If you are truly happy with the life you are living then read no further...but I suspect that most of us are resigned to the lives we are living rather than ecstatic about them. We resent the limits that keep us imprisoned but have no way of escaping. Yet we never challenge them. We assume they are true, unmoving, permanent! Are they ? Really ?

Escape is however simple if not easy. It revolves are one simple concept, to move from where you are right now you have to take one step...then another....then another. But it all starts with that first step. You have to DO! Which is easier said than done. So, how to get that first step sorted ?
Do you have the desire, the passion that will drive you and keep you at it until you succeed ?
Have you taken taken stock ? Have you sat down and listed everything you thing you need to have in order to get going ? Then listed everything you actually have got right now ?
Do you dare ? Have you taken what you have right now and worked out what you could actually do with what you have ?
The final step is to DO! There is no escaping it, if you want to climb the mountain you have to take that first step. You may be walking toward a helicopter but you are still moving, away from where you are, one step closer to where you want to be.

Is there a trick to taking that first step ? The one that petrifies you and keeps you in your comfort zone ? Not really! That is why the desire is so important. Many people refuse to take it saying they do not have the courage, but courage is not the absence of fear, merely the knowing that something is more important than fear and the doing in spite of the fear. Of all the steps to being limitless that is perhaps the most important, that and knowing that you can act independantly of your thoughts and your feelings. If you really want it, you can make it happen.

So, what is it your really want ? And what is the smallest step you could take right now to start you moving in that direction ?

Intellectual Spirituality vs Enlightenment

I was watching Oprah looking for an answer or perhaps it was inspiration, either way, Oprah is normally a good bet. She was talking about Spirituality, something I am quite excited about since learning about SQ or Spiritual Intelligence. For those of you who have not yet heard, SQ is a third way that our minds think (and yes, it has been scientifically proven to exist, so I am not talkign about something esoteric here, but something physical and real).
[IQ (intellectual intelligence) allows us to think serially, answering known problems using known answers. EQ (emotional intelligence) allows us to think associatively and is linked to our ability to respond to emotions and people. SQ allows us to create new solutions. ]
As I listened I started to get frustrated. I was hearing more of the same vague stuff - How Spirituality is about being connected to all living things, to a higher force, it is about a new way of living with more love.... blah, blah, blah. My frustration was not that what they were saying was not true, but rather that I could not connect to what they were saying. The experts were repeating the same vague statements that I had been reading and hearing for over a decade. The same vague instructions and promises that seemed some days to be nothing more than a pipe dream, an illusion of hope.

I started to get the sneaky suspicion that universally enlightenment (for want of a better word) was deemed to be an elite sport that could only understood once you were there. For those of us at the base of the mountain it sounded like a good idea (in principle) but not one with any real benefit. I mean it would be nice to live connected to something bigger…or would it ? And how exactly would being love and light make my day better when I am stuck in traffic or in one of 'those' meetings at work ?

Perhaps it is my thing to attach spirituality to enlightenement, but they do seem to go hand in hand. The concept of enlightenment has fascinated me for almost a decade. From all my reading I know one thing for sure - there is no definite, guaranteed path to achieve it. Everyone seems to have a different approach and each approach seems to be pretty much hit and miss. You take the rest of your life off, go live in a monastery and meditate until enlightenment mysteriously arrives. Seems rather like sitting at a closed door and wishing it open to me. And the few who do appear to have reached it seem to then immediately loose their ability to connect to the rest of us and so, when they talk, concepts that are blindingly obvious to them are incomprehensible to us – as if they are trying to explain the colour blue to blind people.

As I listened, I was struck at how similar all the 'experts' sounded. No-one was saying anything new. No-one had any new insights, yet these were the experts, people who had dedicated their lives to spirituality and enlightenment. So why did it still sound like Greek ? I found myself questioning if they actually 'got it'. Because surely if they 'got it', they would be able to explain it. Instead it was if they got it intellectually but not where it counted, in their hearts and being. Yes each path to enlightenment is unique, so I guess it is kinda hard to explain and give the key to someone else which is where I started to seriously question. Is it ?

Is enlightenment so complicated that it can only be obtained by a select few ? I was hearing once again that the path to spirituality was courses and of course lots of meditation, yoga and retreats are required. Seriously ? I live in the real world and no amount of yoga is going to get me to enlightenment. Nor do I have the time or finances to monk myself for 5 years to get there, wherever there may be. So what if these so called experts had not actually reached an physical understanding of enlightenment, only an intellectual one ? What if they were intellectual enlightened and not spiritually enlightened ?
The concept fascinated me. Because if I was spiritually enlightened, then being enlightened would not be hard work. I would have a level of awareness and compassion for myself that would make each day a joy to live, no matter what happened in that day. As I listened to the story of how our souls are released through pain and sorrow something sounded off. I felt that what I was hearing was another trap, another story. I was hearing something intellectual, something not understood. In that moment I got the edges of a knowing. What if pain and sorrow, good and bad, joy and delight are just labels we give situations ? We attach the pain, we attach the joy, we attach the judgement and we create the limits and prison that confine us.
But surely it could not be that simple ? Surely enlightenment was an exclusive thing, not something you could grasp the edges of whilst listening to Oprah ? But what if it was that easy ? What if when we were borne the only thing we had was our soul. It laughed, it played. It did not wallow in sorrow. As a child we could be one moment happy, the next sad. We did not attach ourselves to our emotions. They just were.
What if what we got taught was all wrong ? What if instead of being taught how to be grown up and free what we really got taught was how to be trapped, just like all the adults before us ? Think about it. We get taught the rules of the world and with each rule we lock away a part of our joy, our freedom, our soul. We create this thing called an ego which is less than what we were. It knows only what it has been taught, only the limits and rules of how to exist in the world. It is a thing full of fear, fear of getting it wrong, fear of making mistakes, of not fitting in. When we finally enter adulthood we have lost our essence, our joy, our creativity, our soul. We are trapped by our emotions, some of which we label as good, some of which we label as bad. We then spend the rest of our lives avoiding the bad emotions, suppressing and denying them and dwelling in and chasing the good one’s.
We react each day based on our ego’s emotional pattern with little awareness and no ability to choose a different way. So, what if enlightenment was not something that you got from meditation and separation and religion ? What if enlightenment and spirituality was nothing more than shrugging off the limits of our ego ? What if all we needed to do to be enlightened was not be controlled by our emotions and instead to be able to consciously and actively choose every day who we want to be ? What if enlightenment was true empowerment and something we were all borne with and so can all reconnect to ? To change your habit of being is not easy, but it is do’able. This I know thanks to my own coaching journey. And when you have a vision of who it is you want to be and how you want to react every day, it is not work or something that you need yoga and a retreat to create, it is a choice and because you have a vision, a direction, the journey is easier.
What if the way you are living your life today is not the only way ? What if there is a more peaceful, more joyful, more successful way ?