Fear is

Fear is…


   Fear is a coward!

     Fear is a liar!

         Fear is a bad habit!!

Why do you have to be worse than me for me to be better ?

Why do you have to be worse than me for me to be better ?

Actually I could not work out a title for this one. It seemed that years of lessons suddenly came into sharp focus and all it took was a walk with my dogs and two nieces. Along the way they started their usual ‘picking’ at each other – a bad habit that involves each one telling me what the other one does wrong and is bad at and a habit that evokes a rather immediate mini lecture along the lines of,

“I hear enough about how bad I am at things and how bad everyone else is at work, I don’t need to hear that at home”.

And it is true! I have finally become aware of how continuous and prevalent the negative judgements aimed at me and others is. The most consistent feedback we either receive or give is about what we are bad at and what we are not doing.  It is draining not to mention demoralising and demotivating.

To give my niece her due, she immediately stopped telling me what her sister was bad at and instead started to tell me what she was good at…the problem was the wording.

“She is much better at Afrikaans than I am”. I was immediately struck by the comparison and how she had not really changed her thinking. Before she was making her sister wrong and so making herself right and in the process better than her sister. Now she was making her sister right at the exact same time as she made herself smaller and ‘less than’.

Do we really do that ? Do we really only know how to compliment and encourage people by making ourselves ‘less than’ and smaller ? Do our minds really work in such a black and white way  ? For someone else to be good requires everyone else to be bad ?

Think about how you word your day ? How many times do you compare yourself to other people and come to the conclusion that you are lacking ? How many times do  you do the reverse, make them lacking and congratulate yourself on being better ?

All of a sardine the concept that there is enough for everyone started to come into focus. Why does someone else have to loose for someone to win ? Why do you have to be worse than me for me to be better ?

For this month my focus is going to be on creating a win-win, rather than the standard win - loose. For August I am going to allow myself to be awesome at exactly the same time I allow everyone else to be. I am going to practice changing my thinking so that I am never comparing anyone to anyone or anything.

Imagine how awesome it would be if we lived in a world where your greatness was the focus of the day ? Now imagine how you can create that! And go!

The Quick Guide to Escaping Suffering

If you were absolutely honest with yourself, your entire search for a more spiritual existence is driven by the desire to escape suffering. There will come a point in your journey where everything you have read suddenly sinks in and  you will know that suffering is nothing more than an unconscious attachment to a specific outcome. We spend our lives fighting the universe, trying to force the outcome we want. And we suffer when things don’t go our way. You will need to hear this many times on your journey so hear it is again, stop focusing on the outcome. Focus on this moment! Focus on the one thing you can control, the way you are feeling!

If I had to put it into 5 easy steps:

1)      What was the outcome you so wanted ? Get that clear in your mind

2)      How did you expect to feel when you got ‘there ‘ ?

3)      Visualise yourself in that expected outcome and start feeling the moment

4)      In this moment actively and consciously OWN your feelings. Start to do, say and think whatever you need for you to be able to maintain those feeling

5)      Stop obsessing about your outcome, refocus and obsess on the feeling that outcome was going to bring you

So, next time you find yourself stuck in a state of suffering make a stand to own your life. Ask yourself what it was you were hoping for. Get conscious about how you wanted this to turn out.  And then, when you have that outcome clear in your mind, take a new step, ask yourself the big question, “How did I want to feel ? “

Now, take those feelings and bring them into this moment, right here and now! Visualise yourself with the outcome you wanted until it is so clear that you are living those feelings. You can stop there if you want or you can take it that step further and make a conscious decision to create those feelings regardless of the outcome.

Make a list of things you can start doing, stop thinking, start thinking, start saying that will allow that feeling to exist right here and now. And instead of obsessing about that outcome, start obsessing about how you want to feel.

Remember, claiming yourself and mastering your life is a new way of being that uses a whole new set of skills and skills take time to learn. They also take practice. There is also now time like now to start practicing! Why choose a life of suffering when you could choose a life of freedom and mastery ?

Using Resistance to Create True Acceptance !

Perhaps you are one of those lucky few who never learnt resistance. Regrettably, this is not one of my natural habits. Resistance is the enemy in a spiritually advanced soul – the way is flow, acceptance, trust! Then again, it all depends on how you understand those words. What is acceptance ? What is resistance ? What is true ? I started to ask myself what is, ‘is’ ? and aside from being entertained by the pure Zen of the sentence, started to uncover a whole layer of unreal that I had never seen before. Instead of stamping out my natural resistance I am celebrating it.

I have spent my life resisting! My earliest memories have been of me resisting, I refused to accept my Dad’s definition of who I was and what I could do, I refused to accept my schools rules and labels. I rebelled when everyone around me told me that I could not dive deep, and I have a world record as a result. Most of my suffering and struggle comes from my inherent resistance and I have always thought that what I was resisting was what is – a futile task – only what is the true is ? How much of what I think ‘is’, is nothing more than some-one else’s reality being forced onto me ? When I started to ask that question and start to see what really is...I was astounded to realise that my resistance was not to what is, but to what other people insisted was true.

So now I am celebrating my resistance because it is my spirit pointing the way to what really is. Next time I feel the urge to rebel I will know it is because someone is trying to warp what is to suit their own agenda. Resist what is false and search for what really is! Never accept some-one else’s view on the so-called truth because no-one (including you and me) can see the truth clearly, we always see it through our lives, our baggage and our own stories. In the spirit of all good blog articles here are my three stops and starts to step into your power using your own resistance

-          You live and create what you believe to be true - so make sure that vision is of your own making

-          Keep asking what really is ! This is the only way you will  uncover inherited limits & beliefs and it is these more than anything else that are stopping you from using your power to create.

-          Trust your instincts & trust your resistance! The trick is not in resisting ‘resisting’ but using it

-          You can’t resist what is, but there lies the dilemma, you first need to see that clearly.

At the edge of this realisation is another that I will be exploring by living over the next few weeks, that resistance is not about creating a fight or drama, that you can flow and resist at the same time. But that is another blog and right now I am merely revelling in a new aspect of my power, searching for what really ‘is’ through my innate resistance to what is not.

Unpacking that word ' Service' - Why it is sometimes really not about you at all

I hate the word ‘service’. Hardly an enlightened stand, but I have never been able to understand it. It seemed forced on me, as if somehow to qualify as spiritually advanced I needed to be living a life of service. Ugh! Why ? What was it I was supposed to be learning from being in service ? To subjugate my ego ? Perhaps! I get that argument, but it still seemed to be missing something. Instead of easy acceptance, the rebel in me came out and I just flat out refused to play the game just because everyone else was.

Why be in service ? What was the point ? Because so far on my journey everything has had a point and in most cases, it only made sense when I was ready to learn it. That is perhaps the problem these days with the spiritual journey – it is so accessible thanks to the media that we forget that it is a learning journey and what that means. You can only learn what you are ready to learn but because we have so much access we are expised to steps on the journey that are way ahead of where were are now. To become an expert acrobatic pilot you first have to learn how to fly, so become an advanced soul there are essential building blocks you have to first acquire, experiences you have to live. Instead of relaxing into our path we instead buy into the ever popular belief that you can mimic some-one else’s journey. But here is the thing, there is no-one like you. Your journey is unique simply because where you are starting from and what you are starting with is unique. Yes, there are common markers on the way, common lessons that I suspect need to be learnt in sequence but mimicking an advanced lesson will not teach you that lesson. You have to get there the hard way. The further I get on this road the more I think that practice without understanding, practice for practice sake can actually be harmful, trapping you in a place you are not ready for and preventing you from learning what you need to learn to get there.

But back to that word, service. I strongly suspect that this is a rather advanced stop on the journey and that for it to really make sense, for the act of being in service to have the value it was intended, then you need to be ready to learn the lesson. What is the lesson ? What is the point of being in service ? Well, what if there comes a time where the experiences you are living are no longer for you ? What if not every experience or lesson is your lesson ? What if there comes a time where the other person’s lesson is the point of the experience ? To get that, there has to no longer be so much for you to learn, in fact, to get that, the only way left to learn and grow is to assist the other in their lesson.  Without even trying the ego is subjugated simply because, it has not survived the experiences that got you to here, where the only way forward is to be in service.

Just the thoughts…of a soul on her journey… learning to let go and just flow J

Why the Universe can’t Hear a ‘No’ – Becoming a Visionary who Consciously Creates Their Experiences.

Have a problem ? How are you framing it ? In terms of what you don’t want ? Or in terms of what would actually want ? Yes, I know, this is not a new topic for, but stay with me, because this might just help you understand why focusing on what you don’t want only brings you more of that. It talks to whether you are an observer or an active visionary, a conscious creator of your own experience and I don’t know about you, but to be able to consciously create my experience is definitely something I am interested in learning.

To master your life and create your dreams you have to claim yourself and that requires you claim your thoughts!

“When you see something that you would like to experience and you focus upon it, shouting yes to it, you include it in your experience. But when you see something that you would not want to experience, and you focus upon it, shouting no at it, you also include that in your experience. You do not invite it in with your yes and exclude it with your no, because there is no exclusion in this attraction-based Universe. Your focus is the invitation. Your attention is the invitation.

And so, those who are mostly observers thrive in good times but suffer in bad times because what they are observing is already vibrating and as they observe it, they include it in their vibrational countenance and as they include it, the Universe accepts that as their point of attraction – and gives them more of the essence of it. So for an observer, the better it gets, the better it gets or the worse it gets, the worse it gets. HOWEVER, ONE WHO IS A VISIONARY THRIVES IN ALL TIMES”

It is not your judgement or opinion of what you are observing that is important, it is the fact that you are paying attention to it! When you make an observation, you associate it with a belief and with that belief comes a set of feelings. They create a very personal and very real relationship with the events that happen to them.

“Deliberate creation is about deliberately choosing.”

Just because someone else has placed their attention on what they don’t want and created the experience they did not want, does not mean you have to. And it all boils down to whether or not you are an observer, allowing your thoughts and feelings to just run randomly as they always have...or if you are a conscious creator, someone who deliberately chooses how they feel about things and so choose the thoughts that generate those feelings...independently of the events and other people’s opinions there-of. You may be powerless to change what you are observing but you are never powerless when it comes to choosing who you are in that situation and how you will react or act.

“Most people do not deliberately offer thought, but instead they let their thoughts gravitate to whatever is happening around them: Something happens. They observe. They have an emotional feeling response to what they are observing. And since they usually feel powerless in controlling what they are observing, they conclude that they have no control over their emotional response to what they are observing.  “

Are you an unconscious observer ? Or are you a conscious creator ? What would change if it really were true...that you can change your feelings by consciously choosing thoughts that create the feelings you want to be experiencing ?

How to find what you want !

What do I want ? Sounds like an easy question to answer right ? Not! I remember about ten years ago watching Oprah and listening to her speakers talk about creating a life that follows my bliss. It sounded like English only I did not know what it meant ? My bliss ? What is that ? What do I want ? I didn't have a clue. All I knew was that I hated the life I was living and could see no way out.
Even more disturbing, no-one had ever asked me that question before, in fact, speaking about what I wanted was a total no-no! You just did not speak about what it was you wanted! Ever! But here is the thing, if you don’t know what it is you want, how are you going to create it ? How do you create a life you want to live ? To move from reaction to creation you have to start living from vision which means you have to start answering that one simple question, what do you want ? Here are some thoughts that may help you get started.

1) List What you don’t want!

This is often an easier place to start because we are so engaged with what we don’t want (and then surprised when all we get is more of what we think about, but that is another blog post entirely). Take your top five things you don’t want and now, ask yourself this question, “If this was not in my life, what would be there ?” Start to reframe those things you don’t want into things you would rather have.

2) Let go of what you want and focus on what you want to FEEL!

Yes, feel, because at the end of the day what we want is to feel differently and how we do that is by creating a list of things we need to have in our lives. What will happen if you stop focusing on what you want and instead start focusing on what you want to feel…and then start doing things to create those feelings ?

3) Get a coach

The point of a good coach is that they allow you to start engaging with yourself and they help you start to answer that one question, what do you want ? I would not be where I am now without my coach and the ability to self coach. Coaching is a conversation where the coach listens and helps you not only focus on what you want to create, but also helps you become aware of the conversations that run your mind and so your actions. Can you do this without one ? I guess it is possible, although I know that I could not!

4) Start practicing and creating now!

Let go of needing a complete vision of the life you want to live and allow yourself instead to focus just on today. What do you want for today ? How do you want to make today different from yesterday ? What could you do today that will bring joy and contentment and pleasure into your experience ? The more you practice feeling good today, the clearer the answer will become.

If you are asking yourself the question, “what do I want?”, you are trying to move from reaction to creation and that is a process. It is possible to create the life you want to live, but first you need to know what it is you want to create! There are no right answers, there are no wrong answers. Every answer you find will help you become more aware and so help you move into your power. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time. Know also that your answer will change as you grow and learn.