Illusions

written Nov 26 2008
Sometimes I just open a book and see where the page lands. It can be quite interesting. The book was Illusions by Richard Bach (stunning book.... a definite must in your library)

"Snap out of it. Wake up. It's all illusions."I was irked.
"Donald, there's just a few minutes more and then we can talk all you want. But let me watch the movie, OK ?"He whispered intensely, dramatically. "Richard, why are you here ?"
"Look, I'm here because you asked me to come in here! " I turned back and tried to watch the end.
"You didn't have to come, you could have said no thank you."
"I LIKE THE MOVIE..." A man in front turned to look at me for a second. "I like the move, Don; is there anything wrong with that ?"
"Nothing at all, " he said, and didn't say another word till it was over and we were walking again past the used-tractor lot and out into the dark toward the field and the airplanes. It would be raining, before long.
I thought about his odd behaviour in the theater. "You do everything for a reason, Don ?"
"Sometimes."
"Why the movie ? Why did you all of a sudden want to see Sundance?"
"You asked a question."
"Yes. Do you have an answer ?"
"That is my answer. We went to the movie because you asked a question. The movie was the answer to the question."
He was laughing at me, I knew it."What was my question?"
There was a long pained silence. "Your question, Richard, was that even in your brilliant times you have never been able to figure out why we are here."
I remembered, "and the movie was my answer"
"Yes."
"Oh"
"You don't understand" he said.
"No."
“That was a good movie," he said, "but the world's best movie is still an illusion, is it not ? The pictures aren't even moving; they only appear to move. Changing light that seems to move across a flat screen set up in the dark ?"
“Well, yes." I was beginning to understand.
“The other people, any people anywhere who go to any movie show, why are they there, when it is only an illusion ?”
“Well it is entertainment,” I said
“Fun. That’s right. One”
“Could be educational.”
“Good. It is always that. Learning. Two.”
“Fantasy, escape.”
“That’s fun, too. One.”
“Technical reasons. To see how a film is made.”
“Learning. Two”
“Escape from boredom”
“Escape. You said that.”
“Social. To be with friends, “ I said.
“Reason for going, but not for seeing the film. That’s fun anyway. One”

Whatever I came up with fit his two fingers people see films for fun or for learning or for both together.

“And a movie is like a lifetime, Don, is that right ?”
“Yes”
“Then why would anybody choose a bad lifetime, a horror movie ?”
“They not only come to the horror movie for fun, they know it is going to be a horror movie when they walk in,” he said
“But why?...”
“Do you like horror films ?”
“No”
“Do you ever see them ?”
“No”
“But some people spend a lot of money and time to see horror or soap-opera problems that to other people are dull and boring?...” He left the question for me to answer.
“Yes”
“You don’t have to see their films and they don’t have to see yours. That is called freedom"
“But why would anybody want to be horrified ? Or bored ?”
“Because they think they deserve it for horrifying somebody else, or they like the excitement of horrification, or that boring is the way they think films have to be. Can you believe that lots of people for reasons that are very sound to them enjoy believing that they are helpless in their own films ? No, you cant.”
"No, I can’t” I said
“Until you understand that, you will wonder why some people are unhappy . They are unhappy because they have chosen to be unhappy, and, Richard, that is all right”
“Hm“
“We are game-playing, fun-loving creatures, we are the otters of the universe. We cannot die, we cannot hurt ourselves any more than illusions on the screen can be hurt. But we can believe we’re hurt in whatever agonizing detail we want. We can believe we’re victims, killed and killing, shuddered around by good luck and bad luck”
“Many lifetimes ?”
”How many movies have you seen ?”
“Oh.”
“Films are about living on this planet, about living on other planets; anything that’s got space and time is all movie and all illusion,” he said, “but for a while we can learn a huge amount and have a lot of fun with our illusions can we not ?”
“How far do you take this movie thing, Don ?”
“How far do you want ? You saw a film tonight partly because I wanted to see it. Lots of people choose lifetimes because they enjoy doing things together. The actors in the film tonight have played together in other films – before or after depends on which film you’ve seen first, or you can see them at the same time on different screens. We buy tickets to these films, paying admission by agreeing to believe in the reality of space and the reality of time…Neither one is true, but anyone who doesn’t want to pay that price cannot appear on this planet, or in any space time system at all.”
“Are there some people who don’t have any lifetimes at all in space time ?”
“Are there some people who never go to movies ?”
“I see. They get their learning in different ways?”
“Right you are,” he said, pleased with me. “Space time is a fairly primitive school. But a lot of people stay with the illusion even if it is boring, and they don’t want the lights turned on early”
“Who writes these movies, Don ?”
“Isn’t it strange how much we know if only we ask ourselves instead of somebody else ? Who writes these movies, Richard ?”
“We do, ” I said
“Who acts ?"
“Us”
“Who’s the cameraman, the projectionist, the theater manager, the ticket taker, the distributor, and who watches them all happen ? Who is free to walk out in the middle, any time, change the plot whenever, who is free to see the same film ove rand over again ?”
“Let me guess,” I said. “Anybody who wants to”
“Is that enough freedom for you ?” he said “And that is why movies are so popular ? that we instinctively know they are a parallel of our own lifetimes? "
“Maybe so…maybe not. Doesn’t matter much, does it ? What’s the projector ?”
“Mind,” I said.
”No, Imagination. It’s our imagination, no matter what you say”
“What’s the film ?” he asked
“Got me”
“Whatever we give our consent to put into our imagination”
“Maybe so Don”
“You can hold a reel of film in your hands, ” he said. “And it’s all finished and complete – beginning, middle, end are all there that same second, the same millionths of a second. The film exists beyond the time that it records, and if you know what the movie is, you know generally what’s going to happen before you walk into the theater: there’s going to be battle sand excitement, winners and losers, romance, disaster; you know it is all going to be there. But in order to get caught up and swept away in it, in order to enjoy it to its most, you have to put it in a projector and let ig go through the lens, minute by minute…any illusion requires space and time to be experienced. So you pay your nickle and you get your ticket and you settle down and forget what’s going on outside the theater and the movie begins for you”
“And nobody’s really hurt ? that’s just tomato sauce blood ?”
“No, its blood all right,” he said. “But it might as well be tomato sauce for the effect I has on our real life”
“And reality”
“Reality is divinely indifferent Richard. A mother doesn’t care what part her child plays in his games ; one day bad-guy, next day good-guy. The Is doesn’t even know about our illusions and games. It only knows Itself and us in its likeness, perfect and finished”
“I’m not sure I want to be perfect and finished. Talk about boredom…”
“Look at the sky,” he said, and it was such a quick subject change that I looked at the sky. There was some broken cirrus, way up high, the first bit of moonlight silvering the edges.
“Pretty sky ", I said
“It is a perfect sky?”
“Well, it’s always a perfect sky, Don”
“Are you telling me even though it’s changing every second, the sky is always a perfect sky ? Gee, I’m smart. "
" Yes! And the sea is always a perfect sea, and it’s always changing, too”, he said. “If perfection is stagnation, then heaven is a swamp! And the Is ain’t hardly no swamp cookie”

Using Coaching to Manage Emotional Trauma

There are many ways coaching fits into a life. The least obvious is to help someone move forward through an intense emotional crisis. Firstly let me state that coaching is not therapy and that there are definitely instances where therapy is what is required. The difference between the two is that therapy focuses on the historical events, understanding them, talking about them. Coaching has a different context. It is about now and what you can do to shift where you are at, both exceptionally hard when you are stuck in a place of pain. Sometimes coaching is not the answer... but sometimes it is!

It was a coaching call that reminded me of all this. Listening to my friend on the phone I could feel her despair and agony and I was taken back to my own ‘bad’ days when waking up was more than I could handle. There were days when it felt like I was abandoned on a barren piece of rock in the middle of a stormy ocean. The wind and waves raged all around me, trying to sweep me off my feet. I was stubborn. I would not give up and let the world win. I had friends who were subtly there, holding onto me on those days when I could not hold onto myself. My friend had a coach! Me! I was secretly hoping I was good enough!

I sat there and made a space in which she could be exactly where she was. I let her be with that pain and despair, because I knew it so well and I knew it needed space to exist before it would let go. I stood for her greatness and would not give up even though she was on the verge of doing so!

As I listened to her story and despair, it was as if I was in two places at once…both here, holding onto her and in my story, my past! I was watching as the doctors tried to resuscitate my dad … again. The memory of his lifeless, clammy, pale skin, still vivid. He had never woken up. I had never had a chance to say goodbye or I love you or it is ok. I remember watching in the window as his body jerk violently behind the partially drawn curtains as they used the defib again and again until finally a worne doctor came and asked for permission to stop. There was nothing they could do!

I was at my Gran’s bedside watching her in a morphine sleep as she took her last breath, the entire family waiting and holding my Grandfather up. Her struggle with cancer had been lost.

And I was there one cold, winter morning when my mother, my pillar, my rock... died. I was holding her hand, watching the ventilator that was keeping her breathing (and that thanks to a nurse had also been the cause of massive brain damage that had left her brain dead). I watched the monitor as her heart rate slowed. faltered… picked up, faltered and finally just stopped! The only sound left the uncanny movement of the ventilator… no longer required but still doing its job.

As I listened on the phone I knew her pain even though our circumstances were so different. I knew her loss, her solitude and despair. I also knew there was a way out and it was my job to help her find it! I knew then that being good enough was not what it was all about, it was about being there, holding on and believing in her. And step by step…she started to move onto solid ground! Step by step she let go, started to take back her power, started to breath. It is what it is! There is no fighting it! There is just the knowing that you can cause massive changes in your life because you can change the context of your days. You can act independently of your thoughts and your feelings.

I put the phone down and just sat for a while… memories swirling. Coaching sessions are never just about the coachee. I always take something really powerful away with me. I have had my own breakdowns in coaching and experienced the power of a coach from her side but today was the first day I got to experience it as a coach. I had just witnessed the power of coaching and I was in awe. Until that moment I had never really got the power of creating silent space for your client to just be or the power of trusting in her greatness and ability to find her own answers. I knew that coaching could shift pain, now I knew that I could do that as a coach.

Today my bitter and painful past helped release the pain in someone else and I found a new title, pain wizard. My friend and I are both pain wizards, just in different places on our journeys. What is a pain wizard (asides from something I just made up ?) Someone who chose to be borne so that they could really understand pain and suffering for one reason and one reason only, so that they could live a life that showed others how to release theirs. I am still in awe… of coaching, my client and my life!

To quote my favourite author Richard Bach - there is a future out there that could not possibly exist without us having lived today.

The 'Me' Habit - What is Yours ?

Being yourself should not be that hard a thing to do. After all you have been doing it all your life… or have you ? I have a sneaky suspicion that we unlearn how to be ourselves as we grow up. We become what we think we should be or rather who we think we should be. We are not being us as much as we are playing a role.

Now I have to confess that this blog is inspired by my own impending coaching session. Last week I decided to implement a Habit of Being Me! Instead of unconsciously wandering through my day I thought I would commit to starting and ending my day with a plan. The goal was to consciously create my day and so who I am during the day, rather than leaving it all to my identity (I am getting a tad tired of the reality my identity creates) This was in part inspired by my journey and experiences to date and partly by the movie ‘what the bleep’ in which the concept of creating a context through words is brilliantly explained. The theory is that through words we can circumvent our thoughts, feelings and identities and so become more our true Selves. It is a journey I have been on for a while, so it seemed a good idea! It is also a concept that is harder to implement than one things..hence the creation of a habit that would remind me and keep me in my Self rather than my identity.It sounded so simple…take 5 to ten minutes in the morning and evening, reading through a list of commitments and reminders (similar to a coaching log page) with some meditation thrown in. Turns out my identity did not like this much AT ALL! It much prefers the rather haphazard implementation of control (where I forget I have it and it gets it).

It sounded so simple…take 5 to ten minutes in the morning and evening, reading through a list of commitments and reminders (similar to a coaching log page) with some meditation thrown in. Turns out my identity did not like this much AT ALL! It much prefers the rather haphazard implementation of control (where I forget I have it and it gets it).

So I have decided to simplify my habit with a simple statement. I commit to my own greatness! With that simple statement anything becomes possible and the rest becomes easy…well easier!Now…what would you need to put in place to create a habit of being you ? Who is it you want to be ? What would you need to do every day to be that person ?

Action vs Distraction

I have just finished a coaching session where in a fit of enthusiasm I elected to complete a list of actions that would get me to my goal. After 20 minutes of brainstorming I looked at my list and was less than impressed. There was a large amount of work on that list but very little action. Was I confusing distraction with action ? And what is the difference ?

I propose the following answer…distraction is something you do when you are setting up the right environment. Some obvious examples would be getting the perfect environment, getting all the right training, making sure you have the right clothes. But if your goal is increasing sales none of these things actually get you sales. The action you need to be in is talking to people, knocking on doors…nagging the world into wanting what it is you have to offer.

So, where are you confusing distraction with action ? And what could you do today to change that ?

When Nothing is Wrong, Anything is Possible

written Nov 6 2008
What if Nothing was Wrong ? Nothing! No matter where you are in your life, even if the proverbial appears to have hit the fan….what if nothing was actually wrong.

I can see you going, Huh ? So let me start again! It occurred to me that a large part of my life (if not the most part) is based on one single principle - that something is wrong and I have to fix it! Immediately ! With this insidious feeling comes pure dread and fear. Because when something is wrong I get into a space where it is because of me! I am not good enough, strong enough, well enough really! Something is wrong and it must be fixed.But, when I shift into ‘Nothing is Wrong’, everything changes! When nothing is wrong I have the freedom and power to change what is! I stop justifying and defending. I stop reacting and I start to act! After all, nothing is wrong! This is just what is. Sometimes I experience it as good, sometimes as bad.
Some examples ?? Ok, the stock market is crashing, is something wrong ? No, nothing is wrong ! This is just what is! Things change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Or the project you are on is a nightmare and you are fighting fire after fire ? Is something wrong ? No, this is how projects go sometimes. Sometimes get unexpected consequences ! That is life! That is being human. Nothing is inherently wrong, it is just not going the way we want!

Here is the thing! Wishful thinking does not change what is! When something is wrong we get paralysed. When nothing is wrong you give yourself (and others) the freedom and power to be…and to act! That is the moment in which change is possible. This is a space that coaching focuses on getting you into (and keeping you in).Try it today! Just be in the space ‘Nothing is Wrong’ and see how it changes your world!

Living Your Life as a Legacy

I don't know about you, but until recently the entire goal of my life has been to just get through today! The years spin by and at the end of each one i am amazed that so little has happened, yet i was so busy! Part of my coaching journey has been to define my own legacy, vision and mission! To create something I want to wake up for in the morning! Something that creates an overall direction in my life (other than find that perfect job and by the perfect house in the right neighborhood). Now after I got my world record I was kinda stuck! What to do next ? The logical step was go deeper, but the thing with a diving world record is that there is a limit and you normally only find it when you die ! Death was not high on my agenda! Yet I was missing that experience of being alive, of solving impossible problems, of growing and living! Something was missing! I was missing a legacy, a vision!
Here is what I discovered really resonates with me! On my tombstone the following words should be“Her words inspired me to Dare to Be! She showed me how to dive into my power and into my light!”Now do not ask me exactly how I am going to live into such a huge vision! I just know I have to try! And that if I wake up each morning and am in action of that I will not but help live a truly great life! My life!

Keeping Goals Alive

written 0ct 28 2008
“Disinvest from the Outcome!” I remember reading this some years back and it has stuck! As a coach I have the privilege of being part of my client’s journeys toward their goals. I get to help them define the outcome they want to achieve. But just knowing what it is you want is not enough! You also need to be ‘in action’!
Now the phrase being in action seems to be one unique to cci and consciousness coaching! If any phrase encapsulates coaching, this is it. In order to succeed you need to be ‘in action’. Your goal is nothing more than a mechanism that you use to direct your actions and energy.
Think about it! You can never guarantee that a goal will become a reality! Oh you can commit 100% and spend all your energy obsessing about it, focusing on it, visualizing it, but that does not guarantee that it will become reality! I started off my journey to a world record using that sort of relentless willpower. I thought that if I wanted it enough, if I spent all my energy trying to control every step, I could make it happen. It was only when I let go and instead focused just on the next step, nothing more, that things started to happen.I am re-learning this lesson. After having spent a couple of months trying to force an outcome, I am putting down the control! I am stopping obsessing on tomorrow and instead just focusing on what I can do today that keeps myself in action, that keeps me moving steadily, irrevocably forward! I am learning that goals are fluid. As you keep moving what becomes possible changes…the trick is to keep moving!

So, what could you do TODAY that would put you in action of your goal ?